You will be able to tell what my grievances are by the below statements:
1. Wife beaters and tatoos and extra-long basketball shorts don't make you gangsta, especially if you have pale skin and a pot-belly.
2. Women over 40 - just because you are not a size 26W does not give you liberty to exercise in only a sports bra. Cover that up.
3. Women over 40 that are a size 26W - spandex is not your friend. You in spandex is not friendly to fellow gym-goers either. Please keep this in mind during your next sportswear purchase.
4. No, your hair is not too pretty to put in a ponytail. (You know who you are.)
5. If you're not sweating, then you're not serious enough. So go home and stop taking up valuable space. It's not a Miss America pageant. It's a gym.
6. Basketball players - there is a little concept I like to call defense. It's when you guard your guy so that he doesn't get the ball. If he does, you're supposed to not let him score. And you're also not supposed to slap your guy's arm if he's puttin the moves on you. That's a foul. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Move your feet and guard him right or take the whippin' like a man. Defense: learn it, live it, love it.
7. To the one basketball player that looks like the retarded twin to Orlando Brown - You have no basketball skills whatsoever. You are slow, uncoordinated, and blind. You telegraph your passes, shoot airballs, and can't dribble to save your life. Yet you insist on playing point guard and driving into the lane covered by three defensive players, plus the guy who's guarding you!! To make matters worse, you don't even see that there are then FOUR open people on your team to whom you should pass the ball to for an easy score. How is it that you keep showing up on my team? You have got to go.
8. To the Mr. Universe wanna-bes in the Affliction t-shirts - here's a little diddy I like to call "You're So Vain."
You walked into the gym like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically cocked to the right
Your brim was straight
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself flex
And all the girls dreamed that you would move out
Move out of their way, and
You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Well, that's my version of the song, at least. Maybe I'll finish it one day.
PS - you are also short.
9. Lesbians - don't be checkin me out.
10. Boys - can you pelase share the cable machine or do you really all have to use it at once?
I will leave it at that. Please post a comment on what your gym grievances are. I look forward to hearing from you!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Update from Yesterday's Post...
The Munchies is back. His wife had the baby. Everyone is doing OK. He is smacking ice with gusto. With a new baby you would think he'd be too tired to chew ice.
Corn Husker is also at it full tilt.
The phrase "things could be worse" comes to mind but is little comfort.
Corn Husker is also at it full tilt.
The phrase "things could be worse" comes to mind but is little comfort.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What to do when a Co-worker Makes Gross Sounds
As it turns out, I have yet to determine an appropriate response to the subject. So, I googled it. (By the way, Google has yet to disappoint. You can pretty much google anything and get plenty of subject matter, no matter how random.)
Anyway, yes, I googled "what to do when a coworker makes gross sounds. Obvious reason being that I work within 15 yards of three different MEN who cannot or will not control their noise. I call it audio infringement.
Coworker number 1. We'll call him The Loogie Man. I guess he either has seriously bad allergies or he has some sort of sinus infection. I'm sure his health is all around poor as he's probably at least six feet in circumference. He's old enough to retire within the next two or three years so I don't see either issue improving anytime soon. Anyway, he is always sneezing, blowing his nose at about 20 decibels too loud, and snorting all the descending snot back up into his sinus cavity. Constantly. He sits in the CUBICLE across the aisle from me. He also talks loud. I think they teach you to do everything loud in the Army. Why they expect us to get any work done in cubicles is beyond me, but that's a subject for a whole 'nother post.
Coworker number 2. We'll call him Munchies. He just can't not eat ice. And he smacks everything else he eats. He'll eat his lunch - which always includes chips. All I hear his a "hagch, hagch, hagch" sound for about 45 minutes. Why it takes him that long to eat his lunch is a wonder. He looks like he enjoys food immensely. And then I hear "tsss-nap" as he opens up his carbonated beverage, which he pours over a styrofoam cup of ice. So he eats his chips, drinks his coke, then eats the ice. And that's just at lunch. The process repeats itself for when it's snack-time. Yhere's a reason I nick-named him "Munchies." He's a nice guy though. He's been out all week. I wonder if his wife is having their baby. But seriously, eat quieter.
Coworker number 3. We'll call him Corn Husker. Another old man who is on the verge of retirement. (Munchies is young.) I wonder if Corn Husker is ODC or has some type tick. Although I think I hear him caughing at times, he seems to have no major issue with sinuses or allergies so I don't understand the necessity of this sound he makes. His deal is - about every 45-90 seconds, he has to do this thing which is somewhere between clearing his throat and hocking something up. The best way to describe it is, ya know when you've been eating popcorn, and a husk gets suctioned onto the back of your tongue where your throat starts so you do this little hybrid cough-hock sound? Well, that's it - and there it went again!!! As I type this blog. However, unlike the Loogie Man and Munchies, he is across another row of cubes, and aisle and is in an "office." Office is in quotes because the walls are made of extra-tall cubicle wall pieces. It has a door, but no ceiling. So there is no glamour that comes with that "office." Anyway, I hear it all the way over where I sit. I wonder if it would help if he closed his "door." Doubtful, since there is no ceiling. Seriously...it's like we work in play-pens for adults.
The good news is, that after reading the various assortment of posts, blogs, and Q&A sessions which compiled the list of results from my google inquiry, there are people who work with coworkers a lot more weird and obnoxious than mine.
I don't understand peoples' lack of situational awareness. They operate in their own little world and don't bother to think about how they impact those around them. I'm quiet as a mouse. Except for typing.
Anyway, yes, I googled "what to do when a coworker makes gross sounds. Obvious reason being that I work within 15 yards of three different MEN who cannot or will not control their noise. I call it audio infringement.
Coworker number 1. We'll call him The Loogie Man. I guess he either has seriously bad allergies or he has some sort of sinus infection. I'm sure his health is all around poor as he's probably at least six feet in circumference. He's old enough to retire within the next two or three years so I don't see either issue improving anytime soon. Anyway, he is always sneezing, blowing his nose at about 20 decibels too loud, and snorting all the descending snot back up into his sinus cavity. Constantly. He sits in the CUBICLE across the aisle from me. He also talks loud. I think they teach you to do everything loud in the Army. Why they expect us to get any work done in cubicles is beyond me, but that's a subject for a whole 'nother post.
Coworker number 2. We'll call him Munchies. He just can't not eat ice. And he smacks everything else he eats. He'll eat his lunch - which always includes chips. All I hear his a "hagch, hagch, hagch" sound for about 45 minutes. Why it takes him that long to eat his lunch is a wonder. He looks like he enjoys food immensely. And then I hear "tsss-nap" as he opens up his carbonated beverage, which he pours over a styrofoam cup of ice. So he eats his chips, drinks his coke, then eats the ice. And that's just at lunch. The process repeats itself for when it's snack-time. Yhere's a reason I nick-named him "Munchies." He's a nice guy though. He's been out all week. I wonder if his wife is having their baby. But seriously, eat quieter.
Coworker number 3. We'll call him Corn Husker. Another old man who is on the verge of retirement. (Munchies is young.) I wonder if Corn Husker is ODC or has some type tick. Although I think I hear him caughing at times, he seems to have no major issue with sinuses or allergies so I don't understand the necessity of this sound he makes. His deal is - about every 45-90 seconds, he has to do this thing which is somewhere between clearing his throat and hocking something up. The best way to describe it is, ya know when you've been eating popcorn, and a husk gets suctioned onto the back of your tongue where your throat starts so you do this little hybrid cough-hock sound? Well, that's it - and there it went again!!! As I type this blog. However, unlike the Loogie Man and Munchies, he is across another row of cubes, and aisle and is in an "office." Office is in quotes because the walls are made of extra-tall cubicle wall pieces. It has a door, but no ceiling. So there is no glamour that comes with that "office." Anyway, I hear it all the way over where I sit. I wonder if it would help if he closed his "door." Doubtful, since there is no ceiling. Seriously...it's like we work in play-pens for adults.
The good news is, that after reading the various assortment of posts, blogs, and Q&A sessions which compiled the list of results from my google inquiry, there are people who work with coworkers a lot more weird and obnoxious than mine.
I don't understand peoples' lack of situational awareness. They operate in their own little world and don't bother to think about how they impact those around them. I'm quiet as a mouse. Except for typing.
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