1. It's slow - so it gives you plenty of time to soak in the beauty that is DFW. Especially on LBJ between Town East and Jupiter.
2. It's slow - so you can listen to a lot of Mike and Mike in the Morning before having to walk into the office building. It doesn't matter that they cover the same three subjects over and over and over. This way you learn the material and learn it well. So, to re-cap: Plaxico Burress has to do two years for weapons charge in NYC; Brett Favre has come out of retirement for the 82nd time and is playing for once-rival Minnesota Vikings; and (for some odd reason) the Eagles signed Mike Vick. And that's just what's going on in the NFL. MLB - Puholes (however you spell it) is on his way to being the greatest hitter ever (until it's discovered he's on roids); Pudge is back with the Rangers, who are in the running for wild card slot; and the Yankees can do no wrong.
3. It's slow - so you get to continually test your endurance level to not wet your pants. Especially after drinking two 20-oz bottles of water before, during, and after your AM workout. "Can I make it one more exit at 8 mph? Oh, yes I can!!" GAME ON.
4. Did I mention it's slow? Well, that is just more opportunity to develop your situational awareness and develop strategies for getting somewhere. For instance, you always want to be in the second-to-left lane on 635 until you pass Jupiter. After that, move to the left lane and you're golden, unless you have to exit anywhere between Skillman and Greenville. Good luck with that.
5. It gives credibility to the theory of evolution which, until you have seen a bunch of idiots trying to operate motor vehicles on a four-lane interstate, had enjoyed no tangible basis for truth. You really might as well put apes behind the wheel. Traffic could not get worse. It really is tempting to think that some people really are related to monkeys.
6. I love how the rain compounds all the goodness I just mentioned. I love rain. I love how people think they can drive the same way in wet conditions as they do in dry. I even love how, despite hearing about 12 different wrecks on the radio, no one ever LEARNS that there is a corelation between the number of accidents and wet conditions. I guess that is either an indicator of a less than sophisticated reasoning capability as passed on from primate ancestors (see #5) or that society as a whole is insane if one considers the definition of insane to be trying something over and over expecting different results.
7. I love it when someone, who is probably downloading a new app to their iPhone or responding to an early morning text causes a wreck which brings the entire interstate to a dead stop. Yes. Three lanes all completely stopped. Which means I get to work late. Which means I have to leave work late. Which means I am pretty much guaranteed to have to deal with slow traffic on the way home as well. There are no "accidents." Wrecks are caused 100% due to someone not handling their business while they are behind the wheel. Yes, I guess there is a fraction of a percentage that are caused by oh, say, the brakes going out or something like that. But let's face it. Most of the time, it's just someone being stupid and not paying attention. I feel bad for the victims of this stupidity but I am angered by the perpetrator. You ruin people's day - and not just the person you hit!! Millions of people are affected by your negligence. You owe us all an apology. Because some people have to pee!
8. Even more than #7, I love it when there is a wreck on the OPPOSITE side of the interstate, yet my side is stop-and-go like we're waiting on a mama duck and her string of ducklings to cross the street. What a pleasant surprise it is to get up to the location of the wreck only to find out that IT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD and you just wasted 30 minutes of your life because people just want to gawk. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I won't get that time back.
Note: I do not support or promote the idea of evolution or the conjecture that humans evolved from monkeys. I believe in divine Creation ONLY, but I can't help it if people take it upon themselves to make the case. But thanks to the 10 Commandments and laws of the land, survival of the fittest cannot be invoked to its full effect. So stupid people have God and the law on their side. No wonder they are so plentiful.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Good News is...
That most of the people I work around, including Munchies, Loogie Man, and Corn Husker, will be leaving the area within a couple of months. They all work on programs that are not located in this building so they have to move. Too bad. Munchies is smacking ice as I type this. Why can't he keep his lips together when he chews? It's not difficult and it attenuates 90% of the noise caused by crunching.
I wasn't here two seconds this morning when Corn Husker made his notorious sound. I'm like, "really? this early?" And he's done it twice since I've been creating this post.
Loogie Man is out today but yesterday he must have sneezed 938 times, followed by the requisite snorting and readjustment of phlem. it's like he thinks he's in a vacuum and no one else can hear him. He is rather large both in height and girth, and the other day when he got up out of his chair, he let out this sound that made me believe I was at the zoo, overhearing an elephant giving birth. I think we should pool our money and buy him one of those chairs that lift you up and dump you out when you push the button. It will need the heavy-duty hydraulics though.
Today at work we got free ice cream and cokes for not having had an accident for some period of time. Isn't that special? Bet you don't get free goodies where you work.
I wasn't here two seconds this morning when Corn Husker made his notorious sound. I'm like, "really? this early?" And he's done it twice since I've been creating this post.
Loogie Man is out today but yesterday he must have sneezed 938 times, followed by the requisite snorting and readjustment of phlem. it's like he thinks he's in a vacuum and no one else can hear him. He is rather large both in height and girth, and the other day when he got up out of his chair, he let out this sound that made me believe I was at the zoo, overhearing an elephant giving birth. I think we should pool our money and buy him one of those chairs that lift you up and dump you out when you push the button. It will need the heavy-duty hydraulics though.
Today at work we got free ice cream and cokes for not having had an accident for some period of time. Isn't that special? Bet you don't get free goodies where you work.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My List of Gym Grievances
You will be able to tell what my grievances are by the below statements:
1. Wife beaters and tatoos and extra-long basketball shorts don't make you gangsta, especially if you have pale skin and a pot-belly.
2. Women over 40 - just because you are not a size 26W does not give you liberty to exercise in only a sports bra. Cover that up.
3. Women over 40 that are a size 26W - spandex is not your friend. You in spandex is not friendly to fellow gym-goers either. Please keep this in mind during your next sportswear purchase.
4. No, your hair is not too pretty to put in a ponytail. (You know who you are.)
5. If you're not sweating, then you're not serious enough. So go home and stop taking up valuable space. It's not a Miss America pageant. It's a gym.
6. Basketball players - there is a little concept I like to call defense. It's when you guard your guy so that he doesn't get the ball. If he does, you're supposed to not let him score. And you're also not supposed to slap your guy's arm if he's puttin the moves on you. That's a foul. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Move your feet and guard him right or take the whippin' like a man. Defense: learn it, live it, love it.
7. To the one basketball player that looks like the retarded twin to Orlando Brown - You have no basketball skills whatsoever. You are slow, uncoordinated, and blind. You telegraph your passes, shoot airballs, and can't dribble to save your life. Yet you insist on playing point guard and driving into the lane covered by three defensive players, plus the guy who's guarding you!! To make matters worse, you don't even see that there are then FOUR open people on your team to whom you should pass the ball to for an easy score. How is it that you keep showing up on my team? You have got to go.
8. To the Mr. Universe wanna-bes in the Affliction t-shirts - here's a little diddy I like to call "You're So Vain."
You walked into the gym like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically cocked to the right
Your brim was straight
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself flex
And all the girls dreamed that you would move out
Move out of their way, and
You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Well, that's my version of the song, at least. Maybe I'll finish it one day.
PS - you are also short.
9. Lesbians - don't be checkin me out.
10. Boys - can you pelase share the cable machine or do you really all have to use it at once?
I will leave it at that. Please post a comment on what your gym grievances are. I look forward to hearing from you!
1. Wife beaters and tatoos and extra-long basketball shorts don't make you gangsta, especially if you have pale skin and a pot-belly.
2. Women over 40 - just because you are not a size 26W does not give you liberty to exercise in only a sports bra. Cover that up.
3. Women over 40 that are a size 26W - spandex is not your friend. You in spandex is not friendly to fellow gym-goers either. Please keep this in mind during your next sportswear purchase.
4. No, your hair is not too pretty to put in a ponytail. (You know who you are.)
5. If you're not sweating, then you're not serious enough. So go home and stop taking up valuable space. It's not a Miss America pageant. It's a gym.
6. Basketball players - there is a little concept I like to call defense. It's when you guard your guy so that he doesn't get the ball. If he does, you're supposed to not let him score. And you're also not supposed to slap your guy's arm if he's puttin the moves on you. That's a foul. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Move your feet and guard him right or take the whippin' like a man. Defense: learn it, live it, love it.
7. To the one basketball player that looks like the retarded twin to Orlando Brown - You have no basketball skills whatsoever. You are slow, uncoordinated, and blind. You telegraph your passes, shoot airballs, and can't dribble to save your life. Yet you insist on playing point guard and driving into the lane covered by three defensive players, plus the guy who's guarding you!! To make matters worse, you don't even see that there are then FOUR open people on your team to whom you should pass the ball to for an easy score. How is it that you keep showing up on my team? You have got to go.
8. To the Mr. Universe wanna-bes in the Affliction t-shirts - here's a little diddy I like to call "You're So Vain."
You walked into the gym like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically cocked to the right
Your brim was straight
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself flex
And all the girls dreamed that you would move out
Move out of their way, and
You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Well, that's my version of the song, at least. Maybe I'll finish it one day.
PS - you are also short.
9. Lesbians - don't be checkin me out.
10. Boys - can you pelase share the cable machine or do you really all have to use it at once?
I will leave it at that. Please post a comment on what your gym grievances are. I look forward to hearing from you!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Update from Yesterday's Post...
The Munchies is back. His wife had the baby. Everyone is doing OK. He is smacking ice with gusto. With a new baby you would think he'd be too tired to chew ice.
Corn Husker is also at it full tilt.
The phrase "things could be worse" comes to mind but is little comfort.
Corn Husker is also at it full tilt.
The phrase "things could be worse" comes to mind but is little comfort.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What to do when a Co-worker Makes Gross Sounds
As it turns out, I have yet to determine an appropriate response to the subject. So, I googled it. (By the way, Google has yet to disappoint. You can pretty much google anything and get plenty of subject matter, no matter how random.)
Anyway, yes, I googled "what to do when a coworker makes gross sounds. Obvious reason being that I work within 15 yards of three different MEN who cannot or will not control their noise. I call it audio infringement.
Coworker number 1. We'll call him The Loogie Man. I guess he either has seriously bad allergies or he has some sort of sinus infection. I'm sure his health is all around poor as he's probably at least six feet in circumference. He's old enough to retire within the next two or three years so I don't see either issue improving anytime soon. Anyway, he is always sneezing, blowing his nose at about 20 decibels too loud, and snorting all the descending snot back up into his sinus cavity. Constantly. He sits in the CUBICLE across the aisle from me. He also talks loud. I think they teach you to do everything loud in the Army. Why they expect us to get any work done in cubicles is beyond me, but that's a subject for a whole 'nother post.
Coworker number 2. We'll call him Munchies. He just can't not eat ice. And he smacks everything else he eats. He'll eat his lunch - which always includes chips. All I hear his a "hagch, hagch, hagch" sound for about 45 minutes. Why it takes him that long to eat his lunch is a wonder. He looks like he enjoys food immensely. And then I hear "tsss-nap" as he opens up his carbonated beverage, which he pours over a styrofoam cup of ice. So he eats his chips, drinks his coke, then eats the ice. And that's just at lunch. The process repeats itself for when it's snack-time. Yhere's a reason I nick-named him "Munchies." He's a nice guy though. He's been out all week. I wonder if his wife is having their baby. But seriously, eat quieter.
Coworker number 3. We'll call him Corn Husker. Another old man who is on the verge of retirement. (Munchies is young.) I wonder if Corn Husker is ODC or has some type tick. Although I think I hear him caughing at times, he seems to have no major issue with sinuses or allergies so I don't understand the necessity of this sound he makes. His deal is - about every 45-90 seconds, he has to do this thing which is somewhere between clearing his throat and hocking something up. The best way to describe it is, ya know when you've been eating popcorn, and a husk gets suctioned onto the back of your tongue where your throat starts so you do this little hybrid cough-hock sound? Well, that's it - and there it went again!!! As I type this blog. However, unlike the Loogie Man and Munchies, he is across another row of cubes, and aisle and is in an "office." Office is in quotes because the walls are made of extra-tall cubicle wall pieces. It has a door, but no ceiling. So there is no glamour that comes with that "office." Anyway, I hear it all the way over where I sit. I wonder if it would help if he closed his "door." Doubtful, since there is no ceiling. Seriously...it's like we work in play-pens for adults.
The good news is, that after reading the various assortment of posts, blogs, and Q&A sessions which compiled the list of results from my google inquiry, there are people who work with coworkers a lot more weird and obnoxious than mine.
I don't understand peoples' lack of situational awareness. They operate in their own little world and don't bother to think about how they impact those around them. I'm quiet as a mouse. Except for typing.
Anyway, yes, I googled "what to do when a coworker makes gross sounds. Obvious reason being that I work within 15 yards of three different MEN who cannot or will not control their noise. I call it audio infringement.
Coworker number 1. We'll call him The Loogie Man. I guess he either has seriously bad allergies or he has some sort of sinus infection. I'm sure his health is all around poor as he's probably at least six feet in circumference. He's old enough to retire within the next two or three years so I don't see either issue improving anytime soon. Anyway, he is always sneezing, blowing his nose at about 20 decibels too loud, and snorting all the descending snot back up into his sinus cavity. Constantly. He sits in the CUBICLE across the aisle from me. He also talks loud. I think they teach you to do everything loud in the Army. Why they expect us to get any work done in cubicles is beyond me, but that's a subject for a whole 'nother post.
Coworker number 2. We'll call him Munchies. He just can't not eat ice. And he smacks everything else he eats. He'll eat his lunch - which always includes chips. All I hear his a "hagch, hagch, hagch" sound for about 45 minutes. Why it takes him that long to eat his lunch is a wonder. He looks like he enjoys food immensely. And then I hear "tsss-nap" as he opens up his carbonated beverage, which he pours over a styrofoam cup of ice. So he eats his chips, drinks his coke, then eats the ice. And that's just at lunch. The process repeats itself for when it's snack-time. Yhere's a reason I nick-named him "Munchies." He's a nice guy though. He's been out all week. I wonder if his wife is having their baby. But seriously, eat quieter.
Coworker number 3. We'll call him Corn Husker. Another old man who is on the verge of retirement. (Munchies is young.) I wonder if Corn Husker is ODC or has some type tick. Although I think I hear him caughing at times, he seems to have no major issue with sinuses or allergies so I don't understand the necessity of this sound he makes. His deal is - about every 45-90 seconds, he has to do this thing which is somewhere between clearing his throat and hocking something up. The best way to describe it is, ya know when you've been eating popcorn, and a husk gets suctioned onto the back of your tongue where your throat starts so you do this little hybrid cough-hock sound? Well, that's it - and there it went again!!! As I type this blog. However, unlike the Loogie Man and Munchies, he is across another row of cubes, and aisle and is in an "office." Office is in quotes because the walls are made of extra-tall cubicle wall pieces. It has a door, but no ceiling. So there is no glamour that comes with that "office." Anyway, I hear it all the way over where I sit. I wonder if it would help if he closed his "door." Doubtful, since there is no ceiling. Seriously...it's like we work in play-pens for adults.
The good news is, that after reading the various assortment of posts, blogs, and Q&A sessions which compiled the list of results from my google inquiry, there are people who work with coworkers a lot more weird and obnoxious than mine.
I don't understand peoples' lack of situational awareness. They operate in their own little world and don't bother to think about how they impact those around them. I'm quiet as a mouse. Except for typing.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The End of the Tunnel
FINALLY I got a new job. It isn't exactly what I wanted, but as usual, the Lord came through just in the nick of time, to provide for me what I actually need, but don't necessarily know it yet. For months, I have been praying for my house to sell and to get a "job opportunity" back in east texas. You know, be reunited with my roots and closer to my boyfriend, in no particular order (wink, wink). But anyway, the housing market is bad. I would have had to sell my house at a loss, which is a dumb move. So, I began to look at job postings internal to the company where I already work. Long story short, I was contacted, interviewed, and made an offer within a week. The best part is that I don't have to sell my house for this job, and it's a promotion and significant increase in pay. Despite the fact that I still have to continue doing the same type of job (which I find completely boring), I have peace about this because I know the Lord orchestrated these events and therefore, has something wonderful awaiting me. I've been wanting to move on from my current job for about two years now. So I'm ecstatic to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
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